How to Keep Love Growing Through the Ups And Downs

You trust each other that you won't run off if things get bad - you know you're in it for the long haul.

You've seen each other at your best, and you've seen each other on those rumpled mornings when you feel completely awful. Yes, you know you're both not perfect. But what you are, you accept with love and affection. Your relationship isn't about rushing to look fancy all the time - you like each other just the way you are normally. If you start to get grumpy about something, one of you will back off and talk about it later. You grow to learn when one of you is upset about a topic and to work around it. If you've reached this stage - this is what real love is all about.

Although things may start out wonderfully in the beginning, there is always the fear that it won't last, that difficulties will arise, feelings will start to change. Then when things alter, as they naturally must, many have the mistaken idea that the love is disappearing.


When we initially fall in love, we feel we have found the perfect person? A tremendous excitement takes over. We project many wonderful qualities upon our partner and block out any faults. Then we feel that we, too, must be so wonderful to have a partner who is so ideal.

This is a huge demand to make upon another person, but it happens anyway. When this demand is not fulfilled, a deep disappointment can arise. It seems as though the partner has failed us, but in truth it is the unrealistic demands we have made that is causing pain.

No one has to change for you to love them. Nor do you have to change to be worthy of love. You can never change enough to please another person. The work of love is to be able to love the other just as they are, and to also love yourself.

The work of love is the work of learning to accept the other person, and also to accept yourself. Love is not a feeling that stays the same all the time. Love is a verb. It grows as we face change and difficulty.